Who I'd Be
by MEOW-I-am-a-cat
Summary: Inspired by the Shrek song. Contains mild swears. One-shot. Post-war, but they're still at school. Draco and Hermione find themselves drunk and having an actual conversation.


**Basically, I've been slightly obsessed with songs from Shrek the Musical, namely Who I'd Be. I do not own the lyrics, nor the characters (or pretty much anything to do with Harry Potter or Shrek, aside from my Slytherin tie). I have also never been drunk nor have been around anyone drunk, due to the fact that I am thirteen, so excuse the fact that they probably don't sound drunk.**

* * *

**So yes I'd be a hero, and if my wish was granted  
Life would be enchanted, or so the stories say.  
Of course I'd be a hero, and I would scale a tower  
And save a hot-house flower, and carry her away  
But standing guard would be a beast, I'd somehow over whelm it,  
I'd get the girl, I'd take my breath, and I'd remove my helmet.**

**We'd stand and stare, we'd speak of love, we'd feel the stars ascending  
We'd share a kiss, I'd find my destiny  
I'd have a hero's ending, a perfect happy ending.  
That's how it would be  
A big bright beautiful world **

**But not for me.**

* * *

The war took its toll on everyone. And, in return, everyone had their own ways of dealing with it.

Hermione, for one, had found refuge in books. She'd rush to the library at every spare moment, hardly ever even turning up to meals or spending free periods in her common room with friends. And it wasn't in the, "I've got to research something" way she had always darted off during her school years. No, long gone were her days of non-fiction. Though she spent her childhood learning the true facts about the world around her, with the war over and done with, she now strayed toward the fiction side of the Hogwarts library. She found her escape in the fantasy worlds where, true to her own, the hero would triumph over the villain, but at least in those stories there were much fewer deaths along the way.

Draco took to drinking. He could often be seen late at night, wandering half-drunk through the corridors, a bottle of firewhiskey in hand. McGonagall had allowed him to, so long as he did not become a distraction to other students. The Headmistress understood the pain all who had fought in the war felt, and knew that this was how he coped.

* * *

Draco had been stumbling along the hallways when he ran into something quite solid, knocking both him and the something to the ground with a loud _THUD_.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, falling hard on his backside and spilling a few drops of his firewhiskey. "Sorry."

"Oh, it's no problem, really," the something responded.

He paused for a moment, taking a second to look at who he had crashed into. A bushy-haired girl was bent over a pile of scattered books, trying to collect them into one stack.

"Granger? What're you doing out here so late?"

"Couldn't sleep. Madam Pince gave me permission a while ago to take any books I wanted in the middle of the night, so long as I left a note telling her what I took."

Draco extended his bottle to her. "Fancy a drink?"

"Pardon, Malfoy?"

He shrugged. "It's always helped me to sleep."

Hermione considered the bottle, then looked up at Draco. He shrugged again. Just as he was drawing back the offering and about to take a swig for himself, Hermione reached out and quickly poured the remained of the liquid down her throat.

"Got any more?"

* * *

They ended up in the Room of Requirement, downing bottle after bottle as the Room only supplied more. A few drinks in, a sofa appeared, which the pair quickly took advantage of, as they were soon too drunk to stand properly.

They began asking each other questions, as if they were old friends getting to know the other better, when in fact, it was their first civil conversation they had ever had.

"Okay, okay, okay." Hermione took a deep breath to stop the fit of giggles that had been brought about by Draco's response to her latest answer. "My turn. If you could be anything, what would you be?"

"A hero." Draco responded without hesitation, not even taking a second to think about it.

"A hero?" Hermione repeated. "Out of everything - _everything_ - and the great Draco Malfoy wants to be a _hero_?"

"See, I grew up with fairy tales. Y'know, the prince goes on a quest, slays the beast, rescues the princess, and gives her true love's kiss. I always wanted to be the prince in that story, but it turns out I'm the beast. I'm just the dragon guarding the princess's tower. I'm just a monster."

"You're not a monster, Draco. Everyone's a prince. You just haven't found your princess yet."

"I once thought I had found my princess. But I couldn't find the monster I had to slay to get her attention."

"Who was it?"

"She was brilliant. A genius. Cute, too. But she had her own prince, and I was just the dragon he had to slay to impress her. She was such a beauty, and I was just a beast."

Hermione scooted herself closer to Draco.

"Maybe _I_ could be your princess," she whispered. "You've already saved me from the hell that is this stupid reality. All that's left is true love's kiss. Wanna find out if we're each other's?"

"Is that the liquor or Hermione talking?"

"It's me... I think..."

But now wasn't the time for thinking. It was the time for _doing_. Draco crashed his lips against hers. It was sloppy and drunken - everything a first kiss _shouldn't_ be - but they both felt the spark.

Hermione pulled away. "So am I better than whoever you thought your princess was?"

"Actually... no."

"No?"

"Because you _are _who I thought my princess was. You're who I _know_ my princess _is_. A prince. _Your_ prince. That's who I'd be."


End file.
